The Day I Taught A Mormon How To Buy Booze

I work for a public television station.We are also an agency of the state of Arkansas. We aired a live call in program last night where viewers could call in and ask a panel of experts questions about the Covid-19 virus that as of the writing, we are at the beginning of the pandemic.

Anyway, there were about 15 of us on the phone bank, and we were all fielding calls continuously for about an hour and 10 minutes. Usually, it would be mainly volunteers on the phones, but because of restrictions we imposed, we needed station employees to man the phones.

Towards the end of the program, the following call took place:

Me – “Thank you for calling Arkansas PBS, do you have a question for the panel?”

Lady – “Yes sir, I am a Latter Day Saint (Mormon). I know nothing about alcohol. We have not been able to find any hand sanitizer, so my daughter brought home a big bottle of vodka. Can we use that as hand sanitizer?”

Finally. A question I can actually answer.

Me -“Well, I will submit your question to the panel, ma’am. But, I actually think I can help you out.”

Lady – “That would be lovely! Thank you!”

Me -“Ok, look on the bottle and tell the the proof. It will be number right before the word “proof”.”

Lady – “Hmmm. Ok, 80 proof.”

(At this point I am doing a Google search on recommendations on hand sanitizer strength)

Me – “Ok, so what you do is take the proof number, and divide by 2. That is basically the percentage of alcohol. So your vodka is 40%. The FDA recommends at least 60% in hand sanitizers.”

Lady – “So it’s not strong enough?”

Me – “Strong enough for a Moscow Mule, but not hand sanitizer.”

Lady – “…..”

Me – “Uh, no ma’am.”

I went on to explain that if her daughter goes back to the liquor store to purchase Everclear PGA or anything over 120 proof.

So basically, I got to teach a Mormon how to purchase hard liquor.

My work is done….